The Sadboi Hypothesis: Male Depression as a Short Term Mating Strategy Reliant on Empathy Induction

The Sadboi Hypothesis: Male Depression as a Short Term Mating Strategy Reliant on Empathy Induction

In this paper I describe and provide evidence for a hypothesis that depression in men is effective as a short term mating strategy, where men that a woman is somewhat attracted to or considers as a potential mate may have their attractiveness enhanced and elicit mating effort from a woman through display of distress, through induction of empathy which overlaps with biological mechanisms involved in mate bonding and attraction, which is effective in the short term but distinctly ineffective long term. Additionally, depression in men may present with traits that are attractive in the short term, such as substance use and antisocial behavior, further enhancing short term attractiveness, but hurting long term attractiveness. Negative emotionality in men affects the dynamics of relationships in such a way that is detrimental to long term attractiveness, making male expression of negative emotionality sexually successful in the short term, but detrimental in long term relationships.

“Yeah, I got the cut on my neck, now that bitch wet, Only fucking with me when she thinks I'm depressed” ($UICIDEBOY$ - I’m Done).

Oxytocin, Empathy, Bonding, and Sexuality

Oxytocin is a major neurochemical involved in regulating both cognitive and affective empathy and social behaviors (Crespi 2016). Women tend to have higher oxytocin signaling than men, and testosterone opposes the effects of oxytocin, explaining partly why women tend to have higher cognitive and affective empathy on average (Crespi 2016). Oxytocin, while highly involved in empathy, is also highly involved in mating and male-female bond formation, and this effect is shown to be dominantly expressed in females, and increasing oxytocin in female mammals facilitates bonding with mates (Insel & Hulihan 1995). Oxytocin is also highly involved in and promotes nurturing and parenting behavior (Gao et al. 2016)(Crespi 2016). Induction of empathy through viewing of distress in other people has been shown to lead to oxytocin release (Procyshyn et al. 2020). Given that oxytocin release facilitates bonding with mates in females, this suggests that empathy induction may facilitate bonding with mates in females through oxytocin release, meaning that if a woman perceives distress in a man she already considers as a potential mate, the oxytocin released from the distress may facilitate both an emotional attachment to the man, as well as sexual attraction and initiation of sexual behavior as oxytocin release is also responsible for facilitating female sexual behavior (Pedersen & Boccia 2002).

Negative Emotionality is Unattractive Long Term

While display of distress in males may facilitate initial sexual attraction and emotional bonding in a female mate, evidence suggests that this is ineffective and likely a detriment to bonding and attraction in the long term, and women do not prefer men with high negative emotionality as mates. Borderline personality traits, which largely relate to high levels of negative emotionality, are found to be somewhat preferred or at least not avoided by men in choosing partners, however borderline traits are desired against by women in potential partners (Blanchard et al. 2021). In long term relationships, the degree to which a woman has to “mother” her male partner is negatively associated with sexual desire toward the male partner (Johnson et al. 2016). A partner with high negative emotionality is more “high maintenance”, and would lead to more frequent situations in which a person has to take on a nurturing and caring role towards their partner, creating a more parent-like relationship than an equal sexual or romantic one, which would reduce important factors for maintaining sexual attraction such as autonomy and equality of roles in a relationship (Mark & Lasslo 2018). Men with high negative emotionality will be more sensitive to rejection, especially sexual, and this might put a female partner in a position where sexual intimacy more often becomes a task to placate ones partner to prevent them from feeling rejected rather than driven by their own sexual desire, being in such a position correlating highly to loss of attraction towards their partner (Fahs et al. 2019)(Moor et al. 2020). Higher negative emotionality also increases the likelihood of conflict in a relationship, and this is shown to reduce sexual desire, more so in women than men (Mark & Lasslo 2018). Having a parental role towards a male partner also would indicate that the male partner may be unsuitable as a father for various reasons, making such a role highly unattractive in the long term. 

The Male Depression Syndrome

The presentation of depression in men has been identified as having differing typical characteristics from depression in women, and the characteristics associated with depression in men have been termed the “male depression syndrome” (Sedlinská et al. 2021). Notably, the characteristics of the male depression syndrome are also characteristics associated with higher short term attractiveness in men and lower long term attractiveness - these include impulsiveness, antisocial personality traits, risk taking, and substance use (Sedlinská et al. 2021), such characteristics associated with short term mating success and attractiveness in men, but negatively with long term success and attractiveness (Dragostinov & Booth 2024)(Jonason et al. 2009)(Cavazos-Rehg et al. 2010). In addition to mechanisms of empathy induction, males with high negative emotionality thus may be attractive and sexually successful in the short term, but unattractive in the long term. 

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3. Gao et al. (2016) Oxytocin, the peptide that bonds the sexes also divides them

4. Procyshyn et al. (2020) Experimental empathy induction promotes oxytocin increases and testosterone decreases

5. Pedersen & Boccia (2002) Oxytocin Maintains as Well as Initiates Female Sexual Behavior: Effects of a Highly Selective Oxytocin Antagonist

6. Blanchard et al. (2021) Borderline personality traits in attractive women and wealthy low attractive men are relatively favoured by the opposite sex

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